It is hard to know where to step sometimes. We read our Bible. We pray. We engage with others on the same journey. Yet often it is a tough thing to know what to say, how to say, when to say, or if to say something. People need to feel loved, encouraged, supported, served, and empowered to be all that God created them to be, and how do we do those things, and confront also. Challenge. You know, the a-word. Accountability. Oh yes, it is Encouragement's annoying little brother, crucial to our development as disciples, and essential if we are to love well and do what we need to further the kingdom of God and see Him move in the lives of people.
Why is accountability is so hard, and so easily vacant in the experience of so many on this journey with God in the context of the church? Why do we find it so hard to love others enough to hold them accountable to be on mission with God and faithful in their relationships. Why can accountability seem to devolve so quickly into vile legalism, or judgement, on the one hand, and apathy on the other?
Something clicked in all this for me today, and it is very elusive, so I thought I would try to give it words. It is the thing I have wrestled with since I could wrestle, and only recently have I made any real progress whatsoever in understanding not only some of the barriers to accountability, but to every facet of my own personal relationship with God.
It is hard for me to hold others accountable, to love them enough to challenge them, because I myself hate accountability. That's right. I hate it. I hate having someone telling me that something I am doing is harmful, negative, or just plain wrong. I hate the idea that people may be aware that I am not the most intelligent, helpful, loving, (mostly just plain right) person in the world, or at least that I am better than most. I want folks to respect me, follow me, like me, and accept me just the way I am. And do you know what that is?
EVIL...SIN....DESPERATELY WICKED LIVING.
And do you know what? Jesus died and rose from the dead to free from that sick way of life. That is not who I am, or what I experienced when I met Jesus. I heard that there was nothing I could ever do to earn or to lose the neverending love God has for me through His son Jesus. I learned that the cross freed me from thinking that I am the greatest thing since indoor plumbing, or that I have to be in order to matter. I learned that it is only through death to myself and to my old, evil, sick way of living that I can really live, breathe...be free from thinking that it is my goodness, right-ness, or deeds that will get me accepted. I am already accepted, forgiven, turned loose, and given a mission with God. It is in Jesus that my life is found. In His resurrection that I have hope. In His grace and mercy where I can make my home now. He loves me.
So...now I can be held accountable, because I am free to be wrong. My wrong-ness has been paid for, and I want new life in Christ. I need my friends to help me, to show me my blind spots, to love me enough to be honest with me, to help me make my home in the death and resurrection of Christ. Accountability is not hurtful, because I want to be rid of the dead things in me and eliminate all the hinders the mission that God has me on.
When accountability is a swear word, it is because I am clinging to religion.
When I run from honesty, I am cling to an idol.
God please kill the religion that lingers in me.
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