It's ok, you don't have to pay, I've got all the change...

So, I wrote this post last fall, the day after I found out Summer was pregnant for the first time. We lost that baby, and it was horrible. It was an awful time for us, but we trust God, and know He loves us and loves the baby we lost...I trust we will meet that child someday as we rejoice with God forever. I looked back and read the post today, months later, as we have another baby growing now inside of Summer that is about 19 weeks old. While the timing is different, and the setting for the post altered, I my feelings remain the same:

My wife, Summer, if pregnant. There. I said it. Clearly, in type, on the internets. (insert nausea and excitement). This will not be published until we feel like we can share this news with people, but Summer thought it would be a good idea for us to blog about this monumental shift in Ammanology. This will be our first child. This child would be the first grandchild to both of our parents. As they say, this kid will indelibly...

indelible |inˈdeləbəl|adjective(of ink or a pen) making marks that cannot be removed.• not able to be forgotten or removed : his story made an indelible impression on me.

(Hopefully a dictionary definition will help convey the gravitas of this day)

...change the course of my story. Of her story. Of the Amman story. The Christensen story. He or she will have their own story, with its own drama, heroes, villains, hopes, dreams, mission, hair, eyes, farts. Of course, the purpose of my postings about this will be mostly personal therapy, and, of course, throwing out your inner observations and dialogue is very cool healthy. A few observations at this very early and premature stage:

Number One: I love Summer. She is going to be a great mom. I could not imagine a better woman to have a child with.

Number Two: I am not ready to be a father. I ran outside tonight in driving 30 mph wind and rain, with sand stinging my legs, but cannot bring myself to get on the treadmill at home. I am poor. And stupid. And way too selfish. (insert prayer and more nausea.)

Number Three: God is very very good. Very kind. Very gracious (I say this still, today, after losing our first child).

Number Four: Pregnant ladies are a force to be reckoned with. Summer has known she is pregnant for about 24 hours and we have talked about who we are telling, when, whether we should know the sex, where the baby should be born, caffeine and every other kind of food's affects upon fetuses (nailed that spelling first time by the way), when to pick names, what color baby girls' clothes should be, cramps, whether or not there is lead paint in our apartment...do I need to go on? She has taken 4 pregnancy tests. Four. She will take another one tomorrow. They are sitting on the nightstand as treasured trophies of maternity. I have heard "You have to ______________ ...I'm pregnant...remember?" at least ten times. This is going to be a lot of fun. Seriously. It is awesome.

Randomness: I just saw a commercial where women are called frugalistas. Is Target stalking Summer? She has a new nickname.